Monday, April 12, 2010

A Time of Mourning

Last weekend, the worst thing happened to me. I heard the news that Julia, my best friend for five years, is moving away to Kansas City. The year that I had been looking forward to, my senior year, is completely dashed. I feel like I’m going to be spending it completely alone and without a friend. I know I’m being dramatic, but for a few years before I befriended Julia, I was completely alone and had no friends. I don’t want that to happen to me again because that is the one thing I fear. I fear being alone and I fear having no friends in a room full of people. So yesterday, I attended Jazz Spotlight with a heavy heart and red eyes. I almost cried 20 times while trying to play my music. This is the first time I’ve had my heart broken…and my own best friend has done this to me. Deep down though, I realize that this is supposed to happen, this is what God wants. He wants me to figure things out next year for myself and see where it leads me. The Whites will always be in my heart, and I will always think of them, but next year will be about me. And I think I can change myself into the person I want to be without the weight of someone similar to me dragging me down. I want to become confident, tough, yet still sweet. I don’t want people to walk all over me and try to bring me down anymore. Next year, I will TRULY find myself. Because really, when I think of me, I think of Julia by my side…and I realize that I am my OWN person, and that maybe people were intimidated by the pair of us…we were that close, I suppose. This won’t take effect until she leaves and I have gotten over it. Meanwhile, today, I will be mourning a future loss and devouring a carton of cookie dough ice cream because it WILL hurt. I will always hurt, but when I become stronger, and meet Julia again, we will be even BETTER friends. And then, maybe, we will truly be friends forever.

Friday, March 19, 2010

The "Old Me"


Yesterday, I had one of my depression fits. It came and went like waves, as usual. By the end of the day, I felt rotten inside. I can’t understand this inexplicable sadness and it kills me to still be acting like this. I should be okay! I have everything that I didn’t have when I was in 7th grade, after all. I have friends, I believe that I am pretty, and I feel loved. Then what is wrong? I can’t comprehend what I feel anymore! Should I see the therapist again? Should I talk to my friends? Even when I think of these things, I feel lost. When I try to talk about these things to my friends something blocks up my throat. I can’t get a croak out about my emotional problems.
I think the “old me” is returning because my best friend in the whole wide world might be moving away and my best guy friend is graduating. Next year I’m going to be alone, and it freaks the hell out of me. I can’t be alone! If I’m alone, these things, these emotions will get the best of me again, and I’ll be laying in the dark, holding my breath until the only focus is my heart pounding slower and slower in my ears….until the pounding scares the fuck out of me and I have to breathe again. Breathe, Kara, breathe, I tell myself. Breathe and you will live. Sometimes breathing is the only thing I can control.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


Life is about rocking what you are. If you can't rock it, toss it. Just be yourself and maybe, someday you will achieve what YOU think is cool. ;) ♥

Insane people spice up life. the "normal" people make life dreary and the same every in my opinion its great to be INSANE!!! :D

have any other wisdoms?

let me know!

Monday, March 15, 2010



Wednesday, March 10, 2010

What's New?

I am home from school sick today. I wish that I wasn't sick, but at least I turned ill on a spring break week. Now I don't have to miss college.

I've been watching TV ALL day and my brain feels mushy. My stomach is not being very nice to me either. D:

When I get better, I'm thinking of starting a vlog, so you all can see myself in glorious action. I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world, but can I take down YouTube? I think so.

If you have any tips for vlogging such as lighting and topics of discussion in front of the camera, feel free to comment.


P.S. I'm up for a drawing to receive a 100,000 dollar scholarship ANYWHERE. I hope I get it. T^T

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


You can all guess what this is about. FINAL FANTASY XIII!!!!!!!! I WANT IT!!! -screams like a banshee and thrashes around, barely missing my XBOX 360- oops, almost hit Baby. -cuddles the 360 and glares at all the happy gamers holding copies of the coveted RPG-


All craziness aside, I have a boyfriend again. Yay! I am not lonely!!! ^^

I'm also debating going on the Pill......maybe when my boyfriend gets back we can go get it together?

I have no idea ^^;

Today was craziness. I texted my boyfriend ALL DAY. This one hypocrite told me to put the phone away when class was over and I was just texting in the band room minding my business. It wasn't like we were doing anything anymore. I used to be part of his group and everything, but now I realize how judgemental and hypocritical they all are. So I am going to have a smaller friend group from now on. I am sick of the drama, pain, and hurt feelings from being left out. So I TURN MY BACKS ON YOU, YOU LOUSY HYPOCRITES!!!!! I HOPE YOU A LOUSY LIFE WITHOUT ME!!! WHO NEEDS YOU!!!!

Er...I am a a bit insane today.

Lots of Love!!!!



If you have a spare copy of XIII, hand it to me, plx?

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Losing Streak

Lately I've been losing at everything! And if you know me you know I HATE to lose. Andddd I just lost at Scrabble. D:

Losing pisses me off so much!!!!!!! >_______< Is it bad to be a sore loser?

It probably is.

I also get INTENSELY jealous over a lot of things. Like I hate it when girls talk about how hot a guy I like is. I also hate people spreading rumors about me.



Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Sounds Good

this. sounds. good.


I wanna slowdance to it


Monday, March 1, 2010

Q & A

Dizkord asks:

What's the most romantic song ever?

A: I really like Fall for You-Secondhand Serenade
or Falling For You-Colbie Calait

Techno Kumo asks:


A: Bad ass leather jacket rubber duckie.

Dizkord asks:

What's your favorite book?

A: Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

A few more days to ask more questions!!! @__@

Saturday, February 27, 2010


Hello! I'm in a totally random mood today! I slaved in the bathroom for hours to hang with my friends. I'm with Dizkord today!!!!!

Anyway, I changed prom dates. lol my life is sooo dramatic.

Also, watching Spice and Wolf currently. omnomnomnom I wanna be a wolf god :C


Monday, February 22, 2010

The Guy Who Shall Take Me To Prom

In creative writing again. I forgot my fucking flash drive so I'm just gonna work on my blog. Today seems to be going by smoothly. My friends decided to ask people to prom for me, so now guess what? I have a date. He's okay, I guess. I was just hoping to go with another guy who only says hi to me but does it in an intense way, like he's trying to understand who exactly I am, what I want to be. His eyes are framed with incredibly dark, long lashes and are extremely dark too. He has blondish hair and he likes anime and stuff like I do.

But the thing is, I asked him out earlier this year and his friends fucked it up, so I don't want anything to happen like that again!!!! Do I just leave things lie and go with this guy that my friends set up for me, or suck it up and ask this guy that I might have a second chance with? Why does my life have to be so dramatic?

Okay, so let's backtrack. I haven't posted in forever! My apologies! I have been busy with friends and such. I haven't been in front of a computer since Thursday =/. Last weekend was FUN. I pretty much spent it all with my friend playing Rollercoaster Tycoon and styling James's hair. He got it cut by his mom that day too! We also did makeovers and made kissy lipstick marks all over the mirror. Fun times.

Sunday I slept. And slept. Then ate a makeshift supper. Then did dishes. Then watched the olympics. Then read until 12 AM.

I am a crazy person.

Anyways, life is being shitty for me. Too much drama. Too much stuff to do. Too much pressure from the parents. I JUST WANT A FUCKING BREAK!!!!!! Can I just get the guy I want for once? Can I have friends who don't fight with each other all the time? Can I have parents who will let me go someplace fun and new and interesting?

Obviously not.

So! Question and answer time! Ask me some questions, and I will answer them in the next post!!

Ask a LOT of them! :D

Love Always,


P.S. I'm badass in my leather jacket.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Overprotective Parents

I wish my dad would stop being so controlling and just live life for once. Life is too short to waste on worrying.



Monday, February 15, 2010


Why is it that talking to the people we love is harder than talking to complete strangers? I've been running from so many things, so many problems, yet I address them by making online friends and reveling in anime episodes. My mom and dad are disappointed in me, I know, but I can't stop. My online friends understand me more than some of my real life friends. I wish I could find some great people in my area to spend time and confide in. I have a best friend and a guy who loves me, but I need others to turn to.

Sometimes I wish that love would be simpler. That you would realize it faster than it hitting you in the freaking face when you least expect it. There's also many different kinds of love. Respect love, hate-love, romance love, lust love, friendship love, family love. What if the world was so full of love that we could just stop killing ourselves with pain and hatred, that we stopped all the emotional problems. What if the drunk man wasn't drunk? What if the sad child actually had a father who hadn't run away?

So many questions to answer. So many reasons why the world is so fucked up.



Saturday, February 13, 2010

Valentine's Day

Hey everyone! Recently I got XBOX Live, so I haven't been doing much lately. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day! We all blow V-day off because it's all about sweethearts and gifts. But I think Valentine's Day isn't about true love or girlfriends/boyfriends. It's just about telling someone you care about that you love them, whether its Grandma, or Dad, or even your stupid brother. My DAD gave me a box of smores chocolates just because he wanted to, and I think spreading the love to anyone on such a special day is wonderful. Kudos to my dad!

I've been hooked into the wonders of online gaming. I find the competition and cooperative atmospheres alluring. Hm. Anyway, I hope you all find someone to care about in the future to make Valentine's day extremely special!!



Thursday, February 11, 2010

This Song

This song is so beautiful. Best Jpop song ever.

I'm Pee-in-your-pants Scared.

Hey guys. I have an utter dilemna on my hands. I need a date to prom and I'm scared to ask a few guys. Any tips and ideas for a scared girl?



Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Creative Writing

Hey all! Shortened classes because of 2 hour delay=epic fail.

I have college and a speech to give...blegh. I'd rather not. also world civ exam on monday. oh shit.

ugh..there's also this guy who claims that I like him, but i think its the other way around.

he also stole my nerd glasses idea.

being creative,


Tuesday, February 9, 2010


Today was supposed to be my day
I was supposed to be in my skin
Then they ripped me out of my chest
And threw me into sin.
How could such a day turn out like this?
I was riding on a cloud now
I’m bleeding out my bliss.
Ignorance stabbed my eyes
Selfishness is eating me alive!
I can’t take anymore
Let my anger start to roar!
I’m cracked into pieces
Let me fall on the floor
Sweep them up,
I’m no more.
Try to save me
Try to reach
I’ll just violate
The air you breathe.
My screams will tear your ears
I’ll reach out, pull out
All the deepest fears.
And when I’m through
You’ll see
How you can end up
Just like ME.


My last few posts were a little random. Some guys are at my house being random and shit. And watching me blog. Stop talking that blah blah blah! Anyway, this blog is for James. He makes me so happy! I wish that he was here right now instead of in Oskaloosa, but I can't help that. He needs to be there right now.

I wish people could make me as happy as James and his sister makes me. I hope anyone who reads it finds their own personal happiness. Now, to listen to more slut music!

Love and Hugs,



Get A life

go away. play XBOX. I don't care.

Reading Over My Shoulder

This blog's for you, silly person over my shoulder.


Monday, February 8, 2010


Friends shape your whole entire life. My friends saved my life and helped me get through some nasty emotional problems. What came out of those problems is an increased urge to create, live, and love. I am an artist. My life is my art.

Friends should never tell each other to drink, do drugs, or turn their backs on other friends. We should all live in harmony together. The world is dying because of our parents' mistakes. We can't make the same mistakes and dissolve the world with our own stupidity. Reach out to anyone that needs a hand. Save the world one step at a time. Kindness is worth more than hatred in the end. And who knows?

You could save a life.



Dirty Dancing

Today was crazy! Holy fuck I did some crazy things. First off, the weekend was kickass[thank you wartburg!]. I have to thank my kind roommate for being my second mother over the weekend and taking me to do shit and putting up with my confusedness. Second, there is this insane blizzard outside. Man, God must be really hating this fucked up world. I got out of school FIVE hours early. I could have stayed home because I skipped half my shit anyway, but I came anyway for Algebra II. I was there for maybe forty five minutes? I really, really REALLY wish that we didn't have school..but then again I don't want to be in my desk til June.

Next on my agenda. Ke$ha. she is such a fucking dirty whore. But her music brainwashes me until I am a dirty-whore-dancing Ke$ha zombie! Techno scares me but I must listen. scary scary!

I should probably post some poetry soon too. And watch anime. That's always good. Must not click youtube for more Ke$ha!!!!! Her songs are making me dance like a god damn whore!!

Dirty Dancin' til the Day I Die,


Saturday, February 6, 2010


At meistersinger with my college roommates. It's not awkward but were not best friends either. Peace out,


Friday, February 5, 2010


Today is the worst. I just wrote this 6 pagelong speech about my life which is going to bore my classmates to death. To make matters worse, I gotta pack up and go to Waverly for the weekend. I'd rather be working on this or my Creative Writing projects, but oh well.
I heard about this cute anime called Wolf and Spice. I might check it out, when my family/school/band/life stops kicking me in the ass. Also, my jeans decided to leak blue dye all over my Converse shoes.

Ray William Johnson!